People ask me whether not seeing the world around, especially after having seen till about 17 years, is painful.
And I’ve a very simple answer to them: ‘when did I stop seeing?’
This may sound weird to some people, but here’s the scientific truth: the part of your brain responsible for vision never really stops seeing, especially if you’ve suffered gradual vision loss. It always searches for visual cues, remembers colours, searches for the numerous pictures stoed away in the memory bank to describe an appropriate situation, tries to picture facial expressions especially when you read them in a story. For example “crumpled face” is the one you often associate with someone in pain or crying for some reason. So, I haven’t stopoped seeing in that sense.
How does it happen?
This is something I’ve been thinking about for the past 30 years of my life as a blind man and only recently did I actually stumble on the answer.
The inner child.
I can imagine you shaking your head saying “no way!”
I won’t be surprised if you think I’ve lost a marble or two upstairs! 🙂
If you were to look in the mirror and imagine yourself to be a mere fetus in your mother’s womb so long ago, it’d appear far-fetched. But it was real. You were a fetus once.
Also true is the fact that you’ve grown from a mere child, when probably all the habits that makes you unique now had been formed. This only indicates that you’ve been in touch with your childhood even when you grow up. In some sense, you remain the core of that child you were so many years ago; the child that likes to run across the busy street with gleeful abandon. Only that the adult applies the break and says ‘don’t be so crazy.’
Yet, you still enjoy the remnants of childhood such as licking the softy cone with the tongue dancing like a snake. And you truly turn that child when you laugh dropping your guard. These things happen no matter what your age is.
As for me, I go back to my childhood days almost forgetful of my blindness and think as how I was. Especially the days when I mounted the saddle of a rickety, rusty bicycle in my hometown and scared the hell out of people walking on the sidewalk.
And I believe getting in touch with your inner child, that core being which still acts like how you were as a child, helps you break free of your disability (in case your disability appears like a limitation to you).
Even your disability is by birth, think of the childhood days when you did something completely disregarding of it! May be someone asked you to sit behind them on a bicycle, may be they made you sit next to a mango tree and made you throw stones on the low-hanging fruits. May be, you danced with your friends, as I did with a bunch of girls so long ago for a song which they practiced for their school annual cultural programme, throwing away my eyeglasses in total disregard for the blurry vision.
Recalling those days, meditating on them and going back will help you understand the free spirit, and how you can break free from limitations of your disability.
Now I can hear the words “childhood trauma” and how returning to childhood could trigger the pain you’ve suffered.
My suggestion is to work with your therapist and understand how best you can filter the true essence of a liberated spirit as a child. You can get the trauma cured by talking to that child, getting in a cuddle, and telling him/her that he’s terrific the way he is and doesn’t need anything to win other’s approval. In fact, you can go right ahead and tell him that he/she doesn’t need anyone’s approval for anything. Ask him to get on his feet and run to that mango tree or dancing girls. I’m sure he’ll discover himself and help you discover you.
Even if you aren’t a person with disability, breaking free from any self-limiting thought is possible by getting in touch with your free spirit. Spend ten minutes every day to close your eyes, recall the happiest day of your childhood and relive the sensations. It’ll do a world of wonders to you.
So, here’s toasting for your fearless, happy and free-spirited inner child.
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