There’s always a first for everything. Even party-going has its first, especially if you had lived in India a few decades ago when family or religious events were the only occasions for get-togethers.

But a friend who was young and quite willing to try out new things telephoned a bunch of us with the invitation for a party. I felt a mixture of nervousness and excitement about the idea. A party would be more informal, relaxing, and stripped of stiff and awkward ceremonies.

I wasn’t too familiar with his social circle and was quite apprehensive about going to the party. And so, I was quite forthcoming about my needs as a person with blindness. “If you don’t think I’ll be comfortable, let me know. We’ll spare the embarrassment,” I said, deciding to attend the party only after my friend assured, he’d do his best to make me feel at home.

I hailed an autorickshaw to arrive at his doorsteps on a balmy Saturday evening, sniffing at the mixture of sweet incense smoke and masala cooking in some house down the line, and instantly regretted my decision to be at the party. The environment may be relaxing, but I wouldn’t like to be excluded and I wasn’t experienced enough to handle an awkward situation.

On arrival, an elderly gentleman informed me that he was specifically instructed to fetch me from the entrance. Inside the house, my friend greeted me with a bear hug and made sure I was given a juice of some kind which everyone was noisily sipping. The guests formed a circle around my friend and each one regaled the crowd with some joke or funny anecdote. I was seated in a far corner, a few feet away from the circle, and no one asked me to share a joke or anecdote. I felt more like a spectator and was too nervous to insert myself in the conversation. The return ride home was more relieving.

It took several years for me to realise that most people are unaware how to include someone with disability in a party or informal social gathering. Disability wouldn’t matter if you’re vivacious enough to crack a joke, break the ice and melt into a conversation. But the reality is, most people with disability feel like fish out of water in the gathering of able-bodied people. They often worry about constantly asking strangers for help, especially when people are too engaged in a conversation to even notice someone’s discomfort. Moreover, people with disability are comfortable in environments were their needs are understood rather than verbalized.

With environment and lifestyle change, people are open and quite willing to be inclusive in social gatherings.

Here’re a few things you could do:

*Include guest with disability in conversations happening around the table.
*Take the initiative to ice-break. Put them at ease to the extent that they feel comfortable enough to express themselves.

*Ensure minimum accessibility at the physical space

*Ensure space such as tables to keep food plates. If your guest is blind, he/she needs a little orientation on which food is kept where in the plate. The best thing is to imagine the plate to be the dial of a clock and verbally locate the dishes. Example: the curry is in twelve o’clock position, soup in three o’clock etc.

*Ensure you give drinks to people with motor neuron conditions in tumblers they could grip solidly. Glasses can be slippery. If you’re not sure, ask them what would be comfortable.

*Loosely laid floor carpets can obstruct free movement of wheelchairs. So, remove them for the duration of the party. Also, see if you can install temporary handgrips at the toilet for easy use of those on wheelchairs.

*At the food counters, keep placards with the name of the food so that guests with hearing impairments can find out what they are eating, especially when the cuisine is unfamiliar.